Nobody Left to Hate by Elliot Aronson

Author:Elliot Aronson
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 2011-05-03T16:00:00+00:00

THE BOY CODE

Like any parent, I know that boys and girls are different. I also know that the differences show up in early childhood. Give almost any little boy a doll and he’ll turn it into an imaginary weapon or vehicle; give almost any little girl a toy truck and she’ll wrap it in a blanket and cuddle it in her arms. Developmental psychologists may disagree about the extent to which genetics or social learning affects this behavior, but they are in total agreement about the behavior itself. Is it any wonder that girls seem to end up with a more generous measure of emotional intelligence than boys? Dozens of studies have found that females are more empathic than males and better able to read others’ emotions. As they go through elementary school, girls become more emotionally expressive, boys less so. Instead, boys build up a wall of emotional toughness as they become skilled at downplaying their feelings of vulnerability, guilt, fear, and hurt.

It is important to note that boys and girls do not start life far apart on this dimension. In fact, there is some evidence that baby boys are more emotionally expressive than baby girls. What starts to happen, even in infancy, says psychologist William Pollack, is that parents, schools, and society train boys out of emotional intelligence. All conspire unwittingly to enforce what Pollack calls the Boy Code, an unwritten set of guidelines for male behavior:

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