Mindfulness and the 12 Steps: Living Recovery in the Present Moment by Thérèse Jacobs-Stewart

Author:Thérèse Jacobs-Stewart
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Hazelden Publishing

The Delusion of Yama-Mara—

Thinking We’re in Control

Lastly, we have yama-mara, who likes to manage and control others. This daughter represents the delusion that we have power over change, loss, or death—somehow, if we could only get it right.

MY CLIENT JOHN WAS TALL, HANDSOME, AND IMPECCABLY DRESSED. The son of two adult children of alcoholic parents and the only brother of an active cocaine-using, marijuana-smoking older brother, he told me he just got fired from his job. He had been with the company a little over a year.

Six months earlier, John had gotten a sterling performance review. No complaints, nothing but praise from his superiors. He was doing an excellent job; his boss said, “Glad to have you on board. You are a big addition to our business.”

But now economic times have turned tough. Profits in his industry are down and at risk. John made a mistake on some paperwork for a customer—nothing that couldn’t be corrected, but the situation was egg on the face for his employer.

One week later, he was fired. No warning. No feedback with a chance to improve. This time his boss had a whole list of complaints about his performance, none of which John had ever heard before, and some of which he didn’t find credible.

Unemployed for the first time in his life, John was suffering from anxiety attacks. He sat on the rust-colored sofa in my office, head in his hands.

“How could I have gotten fired?” he said. “What did I do wrong?”

“Nothing,” I said. “You have no power over whether your boss is honest with you or not. Stuff happens that is out of your control. Much more than we wish.”

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