Crazy Psycho Murder Tree: Think The Hitchhiker's Guide to Superheroes. (How to Succeed in Evil Book 1) by Patrick E. McLean

Author:Patrick E. McLean [McLean, Patrick E.]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: good words (right order)
Published: 2020-09-02T11:00:00+00:00

At 8:30 Talmadge was shown to the “defense team room.” A sheriff’s deputy, this one thin and nervous-looking, said he would send the others up as soon as they arrived. Talmadge didn’t have the heart to tell him it was going to be just him and his case of evidence.

8:35 a.m. By now they would be wheeling the truck into the parking garage beneath the building and craning the prisoner into the service elevator. As part of the preliminary agreement, a hallway had been widened and several doors removed to allow the Boggus’s transport into the courtroom. In the end, while nobody had cared about photosynthesis, the right to face your accuser turned out to be something the court held especially sacred. Talmadge didn’t care how he won the case at this point, he just wanted to beat Scarpelli. He wanted to beat the man so hard that he would never forget his name.

Outside the defense room, he heard a commotion in the hallway. He stuck his head out, and at the bend in the corridor he saw the deputies wrestling with his client, who was draped in a gray canvas tarp.

“It’s not gonna make the turn,” one of them said.

“We need an axe.”

Oh shit. Talmadge ran down the hallway yelling, “You’re not axing my client!”

The sheriff, not a deputy, the full sheriff, turned and asked the group, “Who’s this little guy?”

Little guy?!? Oh fuck them! Talmadge climbed up on the tree, brandishing a piece of paper, and the words just popped out, as if it had been his name for years. “Topper Haggleblat, attorney for the defense! And this is a court order that instructs you to make and I quote, ’whatever modifications necessary to the building to allow the safe entry and egress of Mr. Boggus, defendant, etc. etc.’”

“Egress? Inn’t that some kind of bird?”

“Exit, it means exit, Officer Krupke, as in ‘When I have vindicated my client in a court of law, he will egress this building and go free.’ You understand?”

Confused, the sheriff muttered, “My name’s not Krupke.”

“It is today. Now go fetch a sledgehammer, Krupke, we’re due in court and this corner has gotta go.”

Krupke looked to his deputy sergeant, who was reading the court order. The sergeant shrugged and said, “He’s right.”

“You good under there?” Topper asked his client.

Weakly, the Boggus answered, “The vital sap run slow, yet still it cries out for vengeance.”

Topper patted the tarp and said, “Hang on, old stump, we’ll get you unwrapped soon.”

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